I am tired of this stagnant, passive existence.

Did revolutionaries stop and write down the first moment they faced resistance to their revolution? Did they realize that the first discouragement would go down in history? Is that why they kept going? Because despite it all, no matter the discouragements or lack of encouragements, their actions and thoughts would have an affect?

I think we are so lucky to have moments in our lifetimes where we are given the chance to stand up for something. Civil rights, human rights, women’s rights, queer rights, individual rights, individual freedoms, love, protecting knowledge, protecting culture, protecting those who cannot. I imagine these moments are awarded to every human, whether subtle or overt. The test is to see whether the person acknowledges their position of power and does something with it or ignores it and goes back to their everyday monotonous rhythm.

And you know, I don’t think we should blame the people that choose to ignore for ignoring this one-in-a-lifetime chance or pity the people that are too heavy with burdens to notice the chance when it comes their way. Their individual decisions move us to continue to create change and push for transformation rather than settle for a stagnant, passive existence.

I am tired of this stagnant, passive existence. Does it not feel like you're drowning in your thoughts and anxieties? Isn't it exhausting performing the character of "I'm doing good!" day in and day out? 

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My writing allows me to be free of the stagnant, passive existence for mere moments. It allows me to dream of myself years into the future, looking back at me now with the same love my grandmother holds in her eyes for me. It allows me to seek for the encouragement and support I crave from my own future self. It allows me to make mistakes and move on from them because the only way to learn is by doing it wrong and then doing it right. It lets me swim in my happy manufactured memories, reality mixing in with the hyperbole of my mind to create ecstatic dreamworlds.

But my writing is not the revolution that can change the world. But I don’t want my writing to change the world. I only want to change mine. So, I am here to say thank you to the people that have looked past their own needs to march for a better world. I am grateful for those that are fighting for the basic rights and freedoms of all people to live a happy life without the constant pressing of an oppressive system breaking their backs.

I am fighting for my own revolution, fighting for my own rights, paving my own way so that hopefully, when another person like me is slowly sinking into the quagmire, there is a hand within reach to save their life too.

I am tired of this stagnant, passive existence.

But I am doing something about it.

I am actively transforming and

slipping from the hands of tradition.

I am becoming me.